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cuts; lines; and deceptions

contrast: light & dark, your face in a crowd.
5 July
note: i need to update this section. no longer 23, no longer living with my mother, or in the chicago.area ... everything else seems relevent, though i'll check more thoroughly when actually updating :p

to begin: i'm 23, and i'm a girl.

+i live with my mother & her boyfriend, in a suburb outside of chicago, out of temporary monetary necessity.
+i am in love with the most wonderful person to ever grace this earth. i mean it, he's absolutely amazing - and not just to me. he brings good to all lives that he touches, he simply wants to bring light and happiness to the world, and make it a better place to live. together, we will.
+i am happier than i can ever remember being. i still have lows, of course, we all do... but i am hopeful & optimistic. things that a few months ago would have broken me down into stressed.out-, end.of.the.world-type tears, now barely cause me to break a sweat. i know that these are not the things to worry about.
+i dance when i walk. i walk from my hips. i wear my sunglasses at night, and always have. i don't care what strangers think of me. i sometimes care too much what those i know think of me. i will bend over backwards to help those i love. i say i'm sorry too much, but i always mean it.

- i grew up in a tiny town in central illinois, population, 1800 (or so). there were 31 kids in my graduating class. it was the kind of town where nobody locked their car doors or house doors, and no matter what time of year it was, there were cars running in the grocery store parking lot. you knew everyone, and trusted most of them (with your belongings, personal information becomes public in small towns). the only nights we didn't leave the keys in the car was during basketball season when we played our rival team. it's the kind of town where you can't get away with anything, cause everyone knows your parents, or your grandparents, or both, and will tell them who you were with and what you were doing. it's also the kind of town where if you're ever in trouble or need a helping hand, you don't have to look far. you can't go on a walk, because everyone stops and asks if you need a ride.
it's where i grew up, it's my hometown, it's my home. i will always love it, no matter how far from it i try to go.

- i like all kinds of music. all kinds. (except country...bad things happen if you make me listen to country)
- i am more than 2 dimensional.
- for the record, i don't (normally) see myself as beautiful, charming, witty, or overly-caring. i always think i should do more / could be more. i'm unabashedly hard on myself and i probably won't ever change.
- i don't take compliments well, they tend to leave me flustered and at a loss for words.
- i am:
01 a cynic and a critic.
02 a hopeless romantic.
03 overly exciteable.
04 occasionally outgoing.
05 occasionally a hermit.
06 an experimentor.
07 an expert people-watcher.
08 a part-time spy.
09 a bad decsion-maker.
10 the proud owner of a 'mouth like a sailor'

35 mm film, absinthe, al-co-hol, anything & everything, anything to alter consciousness, anywhere with trees, black & white, blues, browns, c-action, canada, champagne, chicago, cigarettes, clarity, clarity of mind.body.expression, coffee, colors, creation (not creationism), darkness, dew on the grass, diet coke, driving through the night, drugs, emotion (good&bad), fire, fireworks, fog, fresh-cut grass smell, fuscia, girls & boys, glass & mirrors, gray.area, greens, hand picked mixes, happiness, haze, ice, images, light, magenta, midnight, mind, mirages, montreal, music, my maternal family, nature, newness, outside, parks, peoria, photography, pills, road trips, sepia.tone, smoke, the love.of my.life, the number 7, things that are beautiful, thunderstorms, turquoise, water, wine!wine!wine!, wishing