contrast: light & dark, your face in a crowd. (craziebanana) wrote,
contrast: light & dark, your face in a crowd.

on packing/the move

i have been rather up & down lately, as usual.

packing/moving is one of my most dreaded things, so in general, the next 2 weeks will not be good for me. though, i am finding it a little easier this time, given the completeness this boy brings to my life. (and due to the fact that i am already mostly packed. however, i left the little, most stressful things until last, of course. oh joy.)

for the rest of packing, as well as everything else in life, i've found there is always xanax. i am trying to be less worried, or at least, less "doom"-ish about worries. in the end, things will work out, and i know this. i just need to step back from things occasionally to see it.

the general consensus of those around me is a mix of happiness & bummed out-ness. i feel much the same. i am very, very, verrry excited to be going but very sad to be leaving the people & life i know in central illinois. (and central illinois moreso than chicago, i love this city, but it's never been my home, for a multitude of reasons. or at least, a few.)

my mother cries more & more, little bursts of tears & blubbering how she'll miss me, and wondering what she'll do without me. it's actually breaking my heart, i know she's enjoyed me living there the past 6 months, i know i am her reprieve from ed's constant bitter nagging & self-arrogance. my great-aunt, at age 87, is ready to make the trek to visit me (once i'm settled, of course). while she & i waited as my mother got her braces off this week, she said to me, "hannah, you know, after erford died i let my passport expire because i just didn't think i'd need it anymore - i guess i'll have to renew it now!"
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